TWO workouts in ONE day!

#FitnessEntry

Today we went to the gym TWICE.

In the morning we worked on upper body. Arms, back, some chest, abs, and cardio.

We returned later that night and worked on lower body. Legs and cardio.

Tonight we reached new leg press goals:

-Jason: 325

-Angebel: 190

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masks.

I see the masks
there’s so many
my favorite novelty-
at last.
I’ve always seen through them
you don’t scare me.
take the masks off
one by one
we’ll get to the roots.
no more hiding
no more running.
just you and me
building something new.
leave the bags, at the door
leave the masks.

-a.g.c

Foundation.

Sorry it’s been so long. We had a lot of personal things on our plate, and life got hectic. We are so happy to be back.

Have you ever listened to the song by The Pretenders “I’ll stand by you”? I gave this song to my wife a while back. I actually gave it to her before we were even married. My wife and I have been married for 5 months now. We have been friends for almost two and a half years. We actually knew each other in 2015, but we didn’t officially become friends till the following year. Throughout the two and a half years, I must say that my wife and I have been through so much stuff. Not taking away or minimizing what other people go through; but so many people say that statement whilst taking away its actual value of the statement in itself. My wife and I have went through things that many couples never even go through their entire married life. We went through things before we were married. Our problems were so grate, our love is so much greater. I would say overall of the song is exactly the name of it – I will stand by you no matter what. That means that whatever your partner is going through, you will stand by them. I have become fascinated with personality types. In the recent discovery of which one I am, I have discovered so much about myself. I seriously felt like I was reading a book of someone who was inside my head. With that being said, my personality type is INTJ, and if you have never looked it up, INTJ’s are known to be one of the most loyal there is. Due to us being very reserved by nature, we don’t let people in, our circles are very small in quantity but very great in quality. We do not seek out social interaction for the sake of just interaction. We enjoy the company of those who challenge us and allow our minds to think. Once you have our loyalty, it is loyalty that is hard to come across and really hard to break.  When I dedicated this song to my wife, even though we weren’t married yet, she had that deep loyalty that I have rarely given to anyone in my life. I gave her the song because of everything she had went through in her life. I wanted to protect her. Whoever hurt her, hurt me. In my darkest hour she came first. That should remain in a marriage: protection of each other’s hearts. I don’t freely let people in. I am an all or nothing type of man. I am either going to be loyal to the end of life, or I am not there at all. With me, there is no in between. My loyalty with my wife was there before we were even in a relationship. I loved her so intensely it is hard to put into words.  When I love, I love very deep and very intense. My loyalty to individuals is rare, but once it is there, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I could name a handful of people who I have ever given my loyalty like that to in my life. Once my loyalty is that deep, it is very difficult to break.

Within marriage, and even a relationship, we should stand by our partner with loyalty. In order to get to marriage we must show that type of loyalty. If your partner is not for you on this earth, why would you want them by your side? In actuality, they are not on your actual side.  Ultimately, this will create turmoil in the end; perhaps not long after. You should be able to have security with your partner. My loyalty to my wife is so deep and so intense, it is hard to even be able to put it into words. It is deeper than I have it for towards any person on this earth.

When troubles come your way, do you hold onto your partner or do you drift away? I will be the first one to admit that I find it difficult to put emotions into things. When something is emotional I do not like to have people close to me. I have always been isolated. This can wreak havoc in your relationship/marriage. Instead of broadcasting your problems on social media, talking to friends, family,  or other people, you should be clinging onto your partner. You should be communicating with them and keeping your personal business within just the two of you. It shouldn’t be anyone else’s business to put their opinion into your relationship. In clinging onto anyone else for support in any way at all, your partner will most likely lose trust for you. Your partner- specifically your spouse, they are for life. Well, not in many cases in this society. But, when we make that commitment, we are saying not just “I do” until whatever happens, we are saying “I do” forever, through better or for worse, in sickness and in health. People do not understand the value of this covenant. Until they do, people will treat marriage like it is of little to no importance. You make no covenant with anyone else besides your spouse. It is so sacred that you actually become one with someone else. When hard times hit, remember that. Remember that you are not one with anyone else on this planet. You should make it your job to continuously pursue to work through things with your partner and keep your business within yourselves.

How do you view your spouse in trying times?

If we valued our spouse the way that we value other things, how much more successful do you think marriages would be? Instead of valuing money, materialistic things, etc, how about valuing your spouse? Let me be completely frank with you- your spouse should be your treasure. Do you understand that? They should be the most treasurable thing on this earth. There are things that circle that state that it is ridiculous to say that there is someone out there “meant for us”. Allow me to put my insight in on this. Many times, before we are married we were in a relationship or even a handful prior to marriage.  People believe that all a relationship takes is communication, trust, and loyalty. That is so completely foolish. If so, tell me why people have feelings for their ex’s while being with someone else, even long after they broke up? It is because not everyone is compatible. Imagine this- God made you and He made your spouse. He designed someone specifically for you and you alone. He literally handpicked out someone just for you. All this garbage saying that you can make it work with anyone sounds completely foolish. You cannot make it work with everyone. There is a reason why you make it to marriage with only one person. There is a reason why it didn’t work out with anyone else. Why? It was not supposed to work out. That’s why. Imagine you are a pirate on a ship searching for treasure. Ultimately, the treasure is what every pirate wants. You see, we were given the greatest treasure of all when Jesus gave us His treasure of our spouse that he designed for us. Whats inside your treasure chest? Is it filled with greed, selfishness, materialistic things, other things that take up your time and effort? We can have all the money in the world, and still be poor. Money doesn’t make you rich in the things that matter. That could explain why a significant amount of the financially wealthy are miserable. You see, Jesus views marriage as a covenant, sacred, a union that He does not want to ever break. When trying times hit, do you isolate from your spouse? Become cold and distant? Not speak to them? Sleep in separate rooms? Or do you hold them close and encourage them and tell them you will get through it, together. If we understood marriage the way it was ultimately designed, we would pursue marriage the way He sees it. You see, marriage is your treasure. Your spouse, through better OR for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. Do you understand those vows? Even if you don’t have a Christ-centered background, those vows are the ones used when you get married. Not until death shall you be separated from your spouse. That is the way it is intended to be. You are not one flesh only if something goes right, only if you see eye to eye, only if they agree with your opinion, only if they don’t annoy you, only if you like them on that day. You become one flesh and you remain one flesh through it all. If we understood the  depth of what marriage really is, we would place so much value into it and our spouses overall. God first, your marriage second. That is literally how it goes. Nothing and no one should come between  that. When trying times hit, and believe me they will, hold onto the idea of the analogy of a pirate looking for treasure. You will not find real treasure with materialistic things, money, etc. Hold onto the idea that we are all pirates on a ship unknowingly searching for treasure. And once we find the x marks the spot, we have completed the journey. Once we found our spouse, our life partner, the person we will be with till death do we part, we have completed our journey. We have found our most valuable and prized treasure. When hard times hit, try and remember that God designed this person for you. And even in trying times, that should still stand. This person should  be your treasure. Your marriage should be your greatest treasure in this life. Many times we fail to realize that through storms also comes a beautiful rainbow. If you honor your spouse through trying times and remain by their side, that storm can actually bring you closer together. It is all matter of choice. Choose to honor them through the good and the bad. You will fall in love with them all over again. Believe me, there is truth to this.

Vows are a foundation. When we say for better or worse – that means, when the better comes, I’m standing with you. When the worst comes, I’m standing for you. When you are healthy, I’m standing, When sick, I’m standing. Marriage is death until we part, not until we are tired of trying. Marriage is the most sacred. It calls for the most ultimate loyalty, dedication, protection. We must give all that we have. And not hold onto anything that isn’t healthy to our marriage, out of God’s will, and that’ll count as lost . We must never have the mentality “just because I’m married doesn’t mean that I’m going to give [something] up” Marriage needs a foundation, and that is God. In order to love our spouse better, we must continuously feed ourselves with God’s word/love. When we constantly remind ourselves of what Christ did for us, as individuals, yep us sinners, we are able to love so freely and unconditionally; that’s how we keep christ in the center. Our foundation. When we lean on our own understanding, our thoughts, our feelings,  (which changes everyday), we flake and crumble, and it could lead to sin. A foundation has to be irresistibly solid. We must not lean on ourselves. The Bible says that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8) Meaning no revising. He says it, it’s done. So who would we lean on? Solidarity or ourselves- the flakes? We must understand that our thoughts can sometimes lead us off track. We must hold on to the word that is true and never changing.

When it comes to your marriage or relationship, if that foundation shakes, what happens?

Things crumble. If the base is not established – nothing will grow. No progress. Nothing will stack up/amount up. We should be glued to our spouse. Due to the sacredness of it through God’s eyes, we are glued. He views family as important, love, helping, being kind, etc. But above all else, His word says that we become one flesh with our spouse. To Him, on this earth, nothing should come before Him and then a marriage. With that being said, becoming one flesh is like being glued to each other. If one falls, the other does. Or, at least they should. No where in the Bible does it say anything being a covenant or sacred the way it talks about marriage. In His eyes, it is so incredibly sacred that He hates divorce. We are truly one with someone else once we become married. And I think many do not or cannot comprehend the capacity of the depth of that. On this earth, it is Him and then a marriage if that happens.

I, many times, forget the depth of it. The way that He views marriage is so deep that people cannot even comprehend it. It is a union, a covenant, something so sacred to Him. It breaks His heart to see it crumble. I have an extremely difficult time with intimacy. I don’t always know how to see marriage the way He sees it. The Bible is so clear on what it says marriage is. Often times, people don’t treat marriage as a valuable treasure if you will. And to God, that’s exactly what it is. He designed someone for you and he is giving you a gift. To Him- it’s the most valuable gift earthly wise that can be given. That’s why it is so important that it not be broken. Think about this. God made us all. And He said this is the person I designed for this person. They will have a union and it shall not be broken. They are designed for each other for life. He handpicks our spouse and says that. Like take here, this is a gift from me to you. Learn, grow, love, experience intimacy, and value this marriage and this person. A marriage should be our greatest treasures on this earth. Often times, it is not. And that isn’t God’s heart. The song by the pretenders “I’ll Stand By You” May not be a Christian song. But it actually is exactly what we should be doing in marriages. Through better or for worse in sickness and in health, till death do we part. Look at those vows. Til death do we part. How powerful. Not only in good, not if we like the person, not if they are being nice, etc. But you stand by them through everything because it’s what He wants.

good grief

there’s an uneven box

that still stands with four corners

in it lies good grief.

the three corners tumble and roll

two of the three are locked.

the other two of three are tied.

the other two of three negotiate.

good grief.

good grief.

enjoy the pass, let it be.

-a.g.c

 

Find Your Courage

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” – Tori Ames

Today is recharge day. This week’s topic is healing, so I want to just take a moment to say that recharging is healing. It doesn’t matter how much you like or dislike social interaction, it doesn’t matter what you do, or what your life is like, we all need to recharge. We all need to take time for ourselves to be alone. Being in my solitude I come up with the most solutions. My brain never sleeps. I am trying to come up with new ideas, resolutions, something new to learn. My brain is wired that way. In my time alone and solitude, I do find healing.

Let me say this to you: Healing does take courage. So after the other post that mentioned the analogy of us starting out as plants, let me remind you that we do need to dig deep down to find it. Sometimes recharging puts things into perspective. And most certainly do we have to do the hard work and dig; sometimes a lot deeper than other times, in or where the healing needs to take place. I would like to remind you that it is okay to water your own plant and it is okay to nourish your plant. Not only is it okay, but it is completely necessary. Do not be so wrapped up with things, people, etc, that you neglect your entire being altogether. There is a line between selfishness and neglect. Do not forget to take care of your well-being. Healing takes place where courage leads the way. Have the courage to do so and start by taking care of yourself.

 

 

take-care-of-yourself-life-sayings-picturesf-w-nichol-quote-when-you-get-right-down-to-the-root-of-the-meaning

 

 

 

Where Healing Begins

I will be discussing this week on healing. I would like to point out that I have mentioned I am pursing to be a neuropsychologist. It seems like such a big word. Ive actually been told so recently how much hard work involves with this career choice. As for me, the brain and its functions are something I am so extremely passionate about. Recently, there was a week about personality types. I am most definitely sure that a majority of my career choice is due to my personality type. As an INTJ, I do excessive amounts of research. I am all about logistics and solving things. A neuropsychologist is all about finding solutions. My passion derives right there at the roots. I will be doing something I am passionate about. It is a job where you never stop learning. I cant think of a job that I would be more passionate about and learn so many things on a daily basis. As an INTJ, a career field in which you constantly are learning new things is such a refreshing thing. What some neuropsychologists don’t do is focus on the parts of the brain to see the actual roots. Many scientists, rather more than a majority of science believes that you cannot ever truly heal from a mental illness. I don’t think I can change the entire world. Maybe, perhaps, I can change just a little. I am not a follower, I have been a leader. And I hope to change this system into believing that there is true healing in mental illness recovery. I chose this career because I want to be different. It seems like that is the root of my life-different.

“Sometimes you don’t realize the weight of something you’ve been carrying until you feel the weight of its release”

Is healing possible?

First, let me tell you that the answer is yes. Imagine us all starting out as plants that we need to be planted in an environment where we thrive. But imagine being planted in an environment where we were not given the proper nourishment. If we are around toxic things, we start to grow roots that are unhealthy. We start to wither away and wilt. In return, the plant does its best to stay alive. However, maybe it turns to unhealthy nourishment in order to survive. Not getting its proper nourishment, but still getting by, it continues to survive, but not truly live. When we face issues that we do not know how to deal with, a mental disorder can occur. But, lets look at the word disorder. When something is disordered, we fix it. Your mind is a puzzle. Your pieces were shaken, they were scattered, but they were not lost.

I believe in two kinds of mental disorder occurrences. Some mental disorders are a resort of trauma, dysfunction, and abuse. Some mental disorders are a chemical imbalance. Some of us didn’t experience any kind of abuse, neglect, or traumatic event(s) in our lives, yet we still face the hardships of mental disorders because of the chemical imbalance in our brains. For those of us who have experienced the spiraling effects of an illness due to trauma, something has been disordered in your brain. You were planted in an unhealthy environment. You were not given proper nourishment or care. You grew with roots attached to you that have only added on more roots. And now that you are an adult you don’t know how or even where to cut the roots. Where did it start? And it may require a lot of digging, but once you find the root, thats also connected to many other roots, that most certainly is when healing takes place. I believe so. In order to get to the root of the problem, it takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength to endure the damage that has taken place.

As for the other part, I believe unlike majority of people that even those with a chemical imbalance can overcome their mental illness as well. If you’ve ever been to a psychiatrist, psychologist, or even many therapists, they will tell you that you cannot ever get better. Really, they say the only end result for mental health disorders is simply: management. A psychiatrists job is where it is their duty to prescribe medication. They believe that is the only way for you to manage your mental health. To the science aspect, once shifted has been shifted, there is no room for growth. I am not entirely sure how the roots would be solved for healing to take place in a chemical imbalance. Yet, still, I believe there is a resolution to this unfixed problem.

Where do you start?

This has got to be one of the most difficult things that you will solve in your life. It requires a lot of digging, a lot of old wounds, maybe even experiencing things all over again, remembering traumatic things, etc. But, the only way out is through. There is no such thing as healing being easy. But in the end, it will be worth it. To dig from the ground up, it requires you to do things you have never done. Let me go back to us starting off as plants. Maybe this is where you will start- going back to where your roots are, and reflecting where they still are right now. Are you in an environment that you currently thrive in? Are you flourishing? Are you growing? Are you repairing? When we experience things that create toxic roots, we must cut the roots. In order to live and not just survive, we need to get out of the environment in which we are not able to grow. Nutrients are vital in order for us to not only survive, but to live. But we don’t just want any kind of nutrients, we should want the right kind. Be a gardener and weed out all of the toxic roots.

Be a gardener and weed out all of the toxic roots of the garden that no one else tended to nourish.

Let me go back to stating how our minds are puzzles. When you have a puzzle in front of you, you try to piece together the pieces that fit right. Like mentioned above, your puzzle was shaken. That puzzle of your mind was shaken. But the good news is; it can be put back together. There are psychiatrists who will tell their patient that no matter what they do, no matter what goals they have, etc, that in the end without medication, they are basically nothing. Imagine hearing that. Just envision that for a moment. Imagine having hope for goals, being something, being someone, imagine trying to rise above what you know and strive to become better. After all, shouldn’t we all be striving to be better? That should be the goal in life. You should never stop growing, learning, and wanting better. You should never settle. But the system will tell you that without their bandage that you will continuously relapse. That you will ever only manage your symptoms but as far as healing, it just is not in the cards for you. With medication, you can live a normal life with symptoms still coming out, but you will never truly be able to overcome it. When you place a bandage on something, does that bandage heal the wound? No, it simply just covers it. While medication can be extremely beneficial to some, telling someone that in order for them to function properly in society, they need medication to succeed in life. Imagine how detrimental that is to someone who is trying to piece back together their life and has hope.

How important is support when trying to recover?

First and foremost, we all need support no matter who we are or where we come from. I do not want to sound redundant as in repeating the same things over and over again. But the plant analogy really makes a lot of sense. If you are in toxic soil, please, do yourself a favor and uproot yourself from that environment. Easy? Many times, no. Worth it? Absolutely. In order to grow, we need nutrients to do so. Many people wonder why it feels as if there is a weight on their shoulders; just like the quote above. And many reasons can stem from the environment you are currently in. Find someone who plants seeds of life. Someone who wants to see you flourish, grow, and stand tall. When you realize the outcome of getting out bad soil and replacing it with good, finding people to lift you up, you wont ever settle. You never should. Support is extremely vital for everyone in this life. Overcoming a mental health disorder through the agonizing weight of that, support most certainly is needed. And sometimes we may fail to realize that no support is better than toxic support. Many people in this life fear being alone. But whats worse is being around people who feed you things to make you wilt. And surely, there is no healing with someone constantly tearing you down. A mental health disorder is already a battle of your mind. So don’t you understand that someone tearing down your mind even more than the battle you face within you every single day is most certainly worse? The good news is- you wont always be alone. Find a network of support or at least one person who you can trust. Focus on your healing. Expecting a plant to grow in toxic soil is no more ridiculous sounding then to expect anything to blossom without proper care. We all need support, yes. But don’t be sucked into thinking that you would rather have toxic support then to have no one. Remember- start at your roots. Cutting off roots of toxicity is where it begins. This is the root of digging down to weed out everything. If you perhaps to have a network of support or a significant other whom you trust, lean on them in hard times. After all, believe me when I say, two is better than one.