Why is marriage… hard?

Why exactly is marriage hard? I am no professional, but I do have some experience of my own. Prior to getting married, commitment overall has always been a struggle for me. Due to my extremely private and reserved nature, I won’t really go into the details as to why. It is rather irrelevant. But I can just say that being in relationships and commitment was always something that didn’t come natural to me. I didn’t think settling down was ever going to be in the cards for me. I adapted my life, my routine, my overall future circled around being alone. I have been alone for all of time. It is a struggle of mine because I am not sure how to go from being so completely alone to now having a wife. Not only is a marriage your accountability, but your partner and you become one. That to me seemed so completely far-fetched. I have often times been referred to the fictional character “Don Juan”(I know, hard to believe); who is a womanizer. People always tend to portray me the wrong way and make assumptions. However, marriage has taught me the authenticity of being grounded with one woman. It has taught me that coming home to one woman beats the endless other women. When you truly find your partner, I must tell you this- being with them every single day feels like coming home. And my wife is home. I have often times been judged due to my mysterious nature. But when people referred to me as “Don Juan”, let me be transparent with leaving my own personal information out, they were not completely off base. My mysterious, reserved, and private nature, mixed along with the intellectual nature I have is far different than many people out there. To say the least, getting women was always easy for me. Getting a woman who peaked my interest, sparked my soul, and intrigued my mind, that is far different. It is new. I tend to get very easily bored with people. Majority of the time my interest is never really there to begin with.  My wife was able to capture me in ways that I cannot even express through words. She was the one who had me intrigued and fascinated with her mind, her heart, and her soul. She is a smart woman with a passionate soul. She captured me, truly. Marriage is hard work. It is effort. It is working through things every single day. Marriage is a job in itself. If they are important, your effort will show. It is looking at your partner through the heaviest of times and knowing that you still love them. My wife beats all the endless women that I have encountered in my day. Every. Single. One. At least I would say, since I asked her hand in marriage. She is a keeper most definitely. My wife transforms my mind and allows me to see a different light. I truly cherish anyone who challenges my mind. I thank my wife for being my accountability and for her perseverance through her understanding of me. I thank her for truly taking a man with commitment issues such as myself and changing my whole view on love and on marriage. She changed it all.  Due to me being so alone, never answering to anyone, and watching out for myself, it has been a huge and really drastic change. It really has been. I like my alone time far more than your “average” person. It is one of the things I am trying to overcome and really striving to get new perspective on every single day. Let me also add in that I don’t mean spending time with her. Actually, due to how alone I had always been, my wife changed that too. When we were friends we would be FaceTiming every single day for 12 hours at some point. That still blows my mind. But not really. My wife literally captured my mind that much. I do not invest my time into people I see no potential in. That is just me. I always saw something in her. My “alone time” and my solitude consisted of my wife for a long time. She became apart of it. She was and still is my peace of mind. She is worth every second. I get drained very easily by people. I never got drained of my wife. However, the change I am speaking of is more so about it being officially forever. That someone is with you forever. You share a room, a bathroom, a kitchen, pretty much everything. It is still a change. But my time was always invested in her because she always peaked my interest. I always enjoyed her company, her personality, her cheerful nature, her joy, her humor, her capacity to hold onto the most intellectual conversations that stimulated my mind; which is so rare for anyone to do. Giving her time was never a burden and it surely isn’t now. It’s just different is all. Now, I am accountable for another person. My wife cares where I am, what I do, who I talk to, etc. It is different. And sometimes, different is good. It takes a lot to switch your focus and your mentality with something that is so engrained in your overall thinking. But change and growth are what makes us better people. Marriage is all about sacrifice. I have learned what it truly means to sacrifice because of my wife. There is nothing in this life I would not do for her. I would do anything to protect her. Sacrificial love is something where you put your relationship first. Is it more important for your pride or ego, or are they more important? You decide, you choose. Despite this being a challenge in our marriage, I know that due to my sacrificial, unconditional and immeasurable love for my wife, I strive to be better and make progress for her. Challenges can be overcome; together. If you are in a relationship, engaged, or even married, I can only say to you that anything worth having takes hard work. Show them how bad you want them by showing consistent effort. There is nothing more assuring than unconditional love. Knowing your partner has your back is truly priceless. It really is. Take time to show them each day how much you want them, love them and truly care about your relationship with them. Ask yourself this: How worth it are they? And if they are, never stop trying to improve yourself for them and for yourself. It will always take two. Remember, it is not you vs. them in battles. It will always be you and them vs the problem. Stand together and you will never burn. You are a team.  I am not an expert by no means, just a piece of advice from a man with some wisdom.

P.S Next week we will be discussing our different personality types. I hope you stay tuned. It will give a lot of insight on this topic as well, plus communication styles, differences between men and women, and the differences between how different personalities can be.

 

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