I Won’t Leave Tonight.

And I am tracing every inch of her body, so fascinated by the shape
I am lost inside her, and for once, I do not need to escape
I am captivated by her beauty, I am lost in a trance
I have never seen anyone so beautiful in all of my life, my mind in a fog, do I give in and take this chance?

And she is going down my shirt tearing it open from button to button
I am feeling an indescribable desire, she got me undone
And I am looking at her, and there is something about the way she says my name
She has me in ways no one ever has, this player has lost his own game

What is this current running through me like never before
Like an electric charge of electricity, I am just craving more
I am on the verge of erupting into a perfect storm
I crave her body and her soul, she is the only thing that keeps me warm

She starts to get up and starts undressing
But instead of the endless women in the past, for her I am different; I start caressing
Because for once this isn’t just someone lying down in the bed
She is different, for I am looking into her beautiful eyes, I can finally see a future ahead

Instead of feeling detached and disconnected
I feel safety, security, I can finally feel connected
I won’t treat her like the other women that make up my history, I won’t leave her tonight
I am staying to hold her in my arms, to make her feel the love I have for her, I am going to wrap her in my arms and hold her so tight

-Jason Castellani


I wanted to post a poem that correlates with what I wrote regarding my wife on Wednesday. Intimacy and connection has always been a hurdle for me. It was always one of my biggest struggles. I lacked connection and intimacy. Other women connected and attached to me, but the reciprocation wasn’t there. I didn’t think that it was even possible to connect with someone else. Connecting is a huge barrier with everything in my life. Being vulnerable is not something that comes natural to me whatsoever. I have rarely done it with anyone in my life.  In this society overall, being a man and being a player is really glorified. Although I never cared about what others thought of me. It isn’t my personality and it never has been. I don’t seek or desire to fit in. I have always been the type to more so stand out. Kind of like the black sheep with everything in life. But my views on commitment was to not settle down with one woman. The idea of connection was something so completely far-fetched to me. I never want anyone in my personal business; never mind someone there forever. I adapted to being alone so much. But there were surely greater plans for me. Plans that I couldn’t even comprehend. If you struggle with intimacy even a little, there is always hope. I thank my wife for being patient, understanding, and showing me a different light. There was light at the end of the tunnel. I am so glad to have found you in the end all of the darkness I have encountered. Thank you for being the light. Thank you for changing my perspective. You are so much more to me than just my wife and my best friend, you are new found hope. You are the greatest treasure of all. I treasure your entire soul. Thank you for loving me when I was the least lovable. Thank you for seeing something in me when I couldn’t see anything in myself. I don’t deserve you, but I am so blessed to have you. I love you so much more than you could ever know. Intimacy may seem out of reach, and even though I am not the best or no where near the best at connecting, but at least I am not where I once was. Progress comes a long way. In the end, one loyal woman will always beat endless irrelevant women. Thank you for changing it all. You are my sunshine.


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