ENFP Angebel here-
Now get to the point. No, really, please get to the point. That’s my mentality, frankly, my personality. I don’t like conflict, but I’ll deal with it to get back to the, good vibes only please.
On Tuesday, Saucey (you’re not allowed to call him that, only me) talked about recharging.
What’s my ideal recharge? Not only is it social interaction, but I just realized like five minutes ago it’s more so an interaction that meets at a certain time. For example, I love St. Patrick’s Day. I dragged cute INTJ to an Irish Pub because, you know, vibes. It’s St. Patrick’s Day, it’s only once a year, we have to do it.
I go to community group or ‘cell group’ on Tuesdays, with a group of young women. It’s only on Tuesdays, so it gives me something to look forward to. I thrive on moving forward ➡️looking forward to things.
I am an ENFP. Easily, I can get bored and drained. Serious, long conversations drain me. Let’s get to the bottom of it, like now, and let’s keep going.
I love spending time with people. I love social gatherings. If it’s a party, I’d like someone there with me. I could go out to eat by myself and treat myself to a movie. I like going to the store alone. I read that extroverts tend to have a larger circle, with less time given. I could relate. I have a decent size circle of friends, and I take them in bits at a time.
When you see a person what do you do?
This past Thanksgiving we spent it with our friends, Mary and Josh’s. Josh is an introvert and Mary is an extrovert. We were intrigued to know how they have made it work and how their daily lives go about. We asked them, “when you see a person what do you do?” Josh’s response was something along the lines of: “It’s like having to assemble something all over again.” Jason agreed. Mary and I stood in common grounds that when we see someone, we just want to get to know them. It’s a new opportunity to learn some thing.
Figured I’d add this side story in (lol): Someone recently introduced themselves to INTJ. They said “Hello, my name is… It’s so nice to meet you” INTJ’s response is “Hi.”
How Does It All Come Together?
It… just does and it doesn’t. While ENFPs and INTJs are compatible, it doesn’t change the fact that one is an extrovert and the other is an introvert. With marriage comes compromise. I’ve even said that being married creates a filter. You may not want to go somewhere and the other one does, you may want to go somewhere and the other one does not. I do believe in sacrifices, and I also believe in balance.
Ultimately, your spouse does come first. Your plans revolve around your spouse. It’s almost like taking care of a baby- or a couple of them. You can’t just get up and go anymore. It takes planning. For two people that never answered to anyone, coming together was an assignment. To be honest, it’s not a walk in the park. We were reminded how much we didn’t have to deal with this prior to being married. However, that is only a scheme of the enemy for us to be bitter and not grow together.
Love languages do a play a part, I’d say. One of this INTJs love language is words of affirmation. So when Miss ENFP, who rarely needs time alone, says she needs her time, words of affirmation are useful. INTJason is the most introverted of the introverts (99% to be exact). As a unit, we do everything together. We miss each other when we’re apart. But everyone needs time alone, at some point.
Mornings are ENFP’s favorite part of the day. Loud, fun, the opportunities are endless. ENFP does not drink nor need any caffeine to get her going. INTJ needs his coffee. ENFP walks in after a long day, opens the cabinets, makes ruckus noise, talks, laughs at her own jokes- INTJ sits wide eyed, wondering what just happened. INTJ is soft-spoken, quiet, and reserved. When he comes in, he sometimes even forgets to say hello. It took a long time to understand that. I always thought it was disrespectful and rude. But I realized that he is that much inside of his own head. He even thinks he said it aloud.
It all comes together with knowing this: This ENFP’s sensitivity to dopamine is extremely low. For INTJ it’s extremely high. Cute INTJ hates small talk. Don’t do it. Abort mission. After four months of marriage, I can STILL count on my hands and toes how many times I’ve seen my husband interact with people, let alone small talk. It’s always surprising to me.
It’s just who we are, how we are, and if we plan on making this work then we need to just know these things. Do not try to change each other. Highlight the good. Be thankful for the balance. Be thankful always.