Love As It Has Been Experienced
I can say a lot of people enter relationships and more so marriages without the knowledge of what unity really is. Many people enter marriages even with a distorted view on what a union really is. At one point or another, we have all faced disappointments in life. It isn’t only when we are children. We don’t ever really outgrow having expectations of others. Above all else, unfortunately our partners will most likely experience the most with that. Our partners, specifically our husbands or wives are for life. When we have expectations, we expect our partners to fulfill them. When they fail to meet our expectations, we become disappointed and bitter, and ultimately it leaks out havoc into our union.
Say you interpreted love in a healthy way. Your parents loved you, they prioritized their union, you witnessed honor, respect, value, sacrifice, and unconditional love. Your mind will likely process that and have expectations like you experienced. What happens with that is that we expect things to happen so quickly when in reality, marriages are all based on time, experience, and true growth. If you perhaps grew up in a single parent home where you had nothing to refer back to. Your perception of what marriage should be is more so an idea rather than anything you encountered. And a truly difficult way to have an idea on union is when were abandoned, neglected, abused, or grew up in the system. With that type of life, you grew up with no protection, no stability, no security, no common ground, no one who had your back. You were too busy trying to make it to understand what exactly a healthy union is supposed to look like. You enter a union with no example of what love actually is.
How Do You Unite?
I would like to point out that we interpret love the way we experienced it. Whenever you felt loved, that is going to in turn respond to how you turn it into every relationship thereafter. If you grew up in a household with both parents, they loved each other unconditionally, they valued, honored, respected, trusted, and truly had each others backs, you had an idea of what a union should look like in a healthy way. All couples go through storms. There is no couple that is somehow untouched. However, the couples that remain side by side, hand in hand, walking with each other, guiding each other, and carrying each other, those are those ones where hard times happen, but they go through the storm together.
Wanna hear a truth? YOUR expectations can damage your marriage.
Unity is understanding that it’s only the two of you. You become one flesh with your husband or your wife. Not your parents, not your siblings, not your children. Not anyone else, despite what they’ve done for you. The purpose of marriage is two coming together, in a sacred covenant. No where does it say we become one flesh with anyone else but our husbands and wives.
As husband and wife, we made the vow to walk through the journey of life with this person for the rest of our lives. When a storm hits, comes a fork. There’s a huge crack in the road that creates a fork. The fork in the road is either: go separate ways OR create a new road together. Sometimes we need to go against the hardships and instead of turning away, let the hardships bring you closer. This is the journey of you and your partner for life. It is truly mind blowing to realize that once we say “I do”, it should be a priority to keep that foundation of the union together. No where does it say that you become one only when things are good, when you’re seeing eye to eye. The point of becoming one flesh means that person and you are supposed to be for life. Unfortunately, this society will up and leave for the smallest things. When hardships come throughout your journey, couples many times do separate and become distant till it hits the final blow. By no means does this mean that you have to stay and endure abuse. If your spouse is unwilling to change, that does not mean that you should continue enduring it. That is extremely unhealthy for your own well-being. By coming together, I mean that you should be fighting the hardships together as a team. You should know that no matter what, your partner is your teammate for life. They have your back no matter what. Far too many times, struggles make couples go their separate ways instead of joining together and clinging onto each other.
Unity takes effort. It takes two. We must build together a union. Your unity is something that you absolutely have to take care of and guard. You have to be on full alert, making sure it’s being fed health. In order for there to be growth in anything in life, we must nurture it, water it, and feed it to grow. It is as if you have a plant and expect that not giving it the proper care will make it grow. Without nourishment, nothing will ever grow.
Unity is the evident intention of marriage. Disunity is a rebellious act. Choosing to not unite with your partner, is only fooling you. You’re one flesh, remember?
“Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste…” – Matthew 12:25 Hence the different types of personalities, not everything about you and your spouse will be the same. But, one thing SHOULD be the same: the goal and the mission. Put together the things in common and the differences too.
-Jason & Angebel Castellani