Foundation.

Sorry it’s been so long. We had a lot of personal things on our plate, and life got hectic. We are so happy to be back.

Have you ever listened to the song by The Pretenders “I’ll stand by you”? I gave this song to my wife a while back. I actually gave it to her before we were even married. My wife and I have been married for 5 months now. We have been friends for almost two and a half years. We actually knew each other in 2015, but we didn’t officially become friends till the following year. Throughout the two and a half years, I must say that my wife and I have been through so much stuff. Not taking away or minimizing what other people go through; but so many people say that statement whilst taking away its actual value of the statement in itself. My wife and I have went through things that many couples never even go through their entire married life. We went through things before we were married. Our problems were so grate, our love is so much greater. I would say overall of the song is exactly the name of it – I will stand by you no matter what. That means that whatever your partner is going through, you will stand by them. I have become fascinated with personality types. In the recent discovery of which one I am, I have discovered so much about myself. I seriously felt like I was reading a book of someone who was inside my head. With that being said, my personality type is INTJ, and if you have never looked it up, INTJ’s are known to be one of the most loyal there is. Due to us being very reserved by nature, we don’t let people in, our circles are very small in quantity but very great in quality. We do not seek out social interaction for the sake of just interaction. We enjoy the company of those who challenge us and allow our minds to think. Once you have our loyalty, it is loyalty that is hard to come across and really hard to break.  When I dedicated this song to my wife, even though we weren’t married yet, she had that deep loyalty that I have rarely given to anyone in my life. I gave her the song because of everything she had went through in her life. I wanted to protect her. Whoever hurt her, hurt me. In my darkest hour she came first. That should remain in a marriage: protection of each other’s hearts. I don’t freely let people in. I am an all or nothing type of man. I am either going to be loyal to the end of life, or I am not there at all. With me, there is no in between. My loyalty with my wife was there before we were even in a relationship. I loved her so intensely it is hard to put into words.  When I love, I love very deep and very intense. My loyalty to individuals is rare, but once it is there, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I could name a handful of people who I have ever given my loyalty like that to in my life. Once my loyalty is that deep, it is very difficult to break.

Within marriage, and even a relationship, we should stand by our partner with loyalty. In order to get to marriage we must show that type of loyalty. If your partner is not for you on this earth, why would you want them by your side? In actuality, they are not on your actual side.  Ultimately, this will create turmoil in the end; perhaps not long after. You should be able to have security with your partner. My loyalty to my wife is so deep and so intense, it is hard to even be able to put it into words. It is deeper than I have it for towards any person on this earth.

When troubles come your way, do you hold onto your partner or do you drift away? I will be the first one to admit that I find it difficult to put emotions into things. When something is emotional I do not like to have people close to me. I have always been isolated. This can wreak havoc in your relationship/marriage. Instead of broadcasting your problems on social media, talking to friends, family,  or other people, you should be clinging onto your partner. You should be communicating with them and keeping your personal business within just the two of you. It shouldn’t be anyone else’s business to put their opinion into your relationship. In clinging onto anyone else for support in any way at all, your partner will most likely lose trust for you. Your partner- specifically your spouse, they are for life. Well, not in many cases in this society. But, when we make that commitment, we are saying not just “I do” until whatever happens, we are saying “I do” forever, through better or for worse, in sickness and in health. People do not understand the value of this covenant. Until they do, people will treat marriage like it is of little to no importance. You make no covenant with anyone else besides your spouse. It is so sacred that you actually become one with someone else. When hard times hit, remember that. Remember that you are not one with anyone else on this planet. You should make it your job to continuously pursue to work through things with your partner and keep your business within yourselves.

How do you view your spouse in trying times?

If we valued our spouse the way that we value other things, how much more successful do you think marriages would be? Instead of valuing money, materialistic things, etc, how about valuing your spouse? Let me be completely frank with you- your spouse should be your treasure. Do you understand that? They should be the most treasurable thing on this earth. There are things that circle that state that it is ridiculous to say that there is someone out there “meant for us”. Allow me to put my insight in on this. Many times, before we are married we were in a relationship or even a handful prior to marriage.  People believe that all a relationship takes is communication, trust, and loyalty. That is so completely foolish. If so, tell me why people have feelings for their ex’s while being with someone else, even long after they broke up? It is because not everyone is compatible. Imagine this- God made you and He made your spouse. He designed someone specifically for you and you alone. He literally handpicked out someone just for you. All this garbage saying that you can make it work with anyone sounds completely foolish. You cannot make it work with everyone. There is a reason why you make it to marriage with only one person. There is a reason why it didn’t work out with anyone else. Why? It was not supposed to work out. That’s why. Imagine you are a pirate on a ship searching for treasure. Ultimately, the treasure is what every pirate wants. You see, we were given the greatest treasure of all when Jesus gave us His treasure of our spouse that he designed for us. Whats inside your treasure chest? Is it filled with greed, selfishness, materialistic things, other things that take up your time and effort? We can have all the money in the world, and still be poor. Money doesn’t make you rich in the things that matter. That could explain why a significant amount of the financially wealthy are miserable. You see, Jesus views marriage as a covenant, sacred, a union that He does not want to ever break. When trying times hit, do you isolate from your spouse? Become cold and distant? Not speak to them? Sleep in separate rooms? Or do you hold them close and encourage them and tell them you will get through it, together. If we understood marriage the way it was ultimately designed, we would pursue marriage the way He sees it. You see, marriage is your treasure. Your spouse, through better OR for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. Do you understand those vows? Even if you don’t have a Christ-centered background, those vows are the ones used when you get married. Not until death shall you be separated from your spouse. That is the way it is intended to be. You are not one flesh only if something goes right, only if you see eye to eye, only if they agree with your opinion, only if they don’t annoy you, only if you like them on that day. You become one flesh and you remain one flesh through it all. If we understood the  depth of what marriage really is, we would place so much value into it and our spouses overall. God first, your marriage second. That is literally how it goes. Nothing and no one should come between  that. When trying times hit, and believe me they will, hold onto the idea of the analogy of a pirate looking for treasure. You will not find real treasure with materialistic things, money, etc. Hold onto the idea that we are all pirates on a ship unknowingly searching for treasure. And once we find the x marks the spot, we have completed the journey. Once we found our spouse, our life partner, the person we will be with till death do we part, we have completed our journey. We have found our most valuable and prized treasure. When hard times hit, try and remember that God designed this person for you. And even in trying times, that should still stand. This person should  be your treasure. Your marriage should be your greatest treasure in this life. Many times we fail to realize that through storms also comes a beautiful rainbow. If you honor your spouse through trying times and remain by their side, that storm can actually bring you closer together. It is all matter of choice. Choose to honor them through the good and the bad. You will fall in love with them all over again. Believe me, there is truth to this.

Vows are a foundation. When we say for better or worse – that means, when the better comes, I’m standing with you. When the worst comes, I’m standing for you. When you are healthy, I’m standing, When sick, I’m standing. Marriage is death until we part, not until we are tired of trying. Marriage is the most sacred. It calls for the most ultimate loyalty, dedication, protection. We must give all that we have. And not hold onto anything that isn’t healthy to our marriage, out of God’s will, and that’ll count as lost . We must never have the mentality “just because I’m married doesn’t mean that I’m going to give [something] up” Marriage needs a foundation, and that is God. In order to love our spouse better, we must continuously feed ourselves with God’s word/love. When we constantly remind ourselves of what Christ did for us, as individuals, yep us sinners, we are able to love so freely and unconditionally; that’s how we keep christ in the center. Our foundation. When we lean on our own understanding, our thoughts, our feelings,  (which changes everyday), we flake and crumble, and it could lead to sin. A foundation has to be irresistibly solid. We must not lean on ourselves. The Bible says that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8) Meaning no revising. He says it, it’s done. So who would we lean on? Solidarity or ourselves- the flakes? We must understand that our thoughts can sometimes lead us off track. We must hold on to the word that is true and never changing.

When it comes to your marriage or relationship, if that foundation shakes, what happens?

Things crumble. If the base is not established – nothing will grow. No progress. Nothing will stack up/amount up. We should be glued to our spouse. Due to the sacredness of it through God’s eyes, we are glued. He views family as important, love, helping, being kind, etc. But above all else, His word says that we become one flesh with our spouse. To Him, on this earth, nothing should come before Him and then a marriage. With that being said, becoming one flesh is like being glued to each other. If one falls, the other does. Or, at least they should. No where in the Bible does it say anything being a covenant or sacred the way it talks about marriage. In His eyes, it is so incredibly sacred that He hates divorce. We are truly one with someone else once we become married. And I think many do not or cannot comprehend the capacity of the depth of that. On this earth, it is Him and then a marriage if that happens.

I, many times, forget the depth of it. The way that He views marriage is so deep that people cannot even comprehend it. It is a union, a covenant, something so sacred to Him. It breaks His heart to see it crumble. I have an extremely difficult time with intimacy. I don’t always know how to see marriage the way He sees it. The Bible is so clear on what it says marriage is. Often times, people don’t treat marriage as a valuable treasure if you will. And to God, that’s exactly what it is. He designed someone for you and he is giving you a gift. To Him- it’s the most valuable gift earthly wise that can be given. That’s why it is so important that it not be broken. Think about this. God made us all. And He said this is the person I designed for this person. They will have a union and it shall not be broken. They are designed for each other for life. He handpicks our spouse and says that. Like take here, this is a gift from me to you. Learn, grow, love, experience intimacy, and value this marriage and this person. A marriage should be our greatest treasures on this earth. Often times, it is not. And that isn’t God’s heart. The song by the pretenders “I’ll Stand By You” May not be a Christian song. But it actually is exactly what we should be doing in marriages. Through better or for worse in sickness and in health, till death do we part. Look at those vows. Til death do we part. How powerful. Not only in good, not if we like the person, not if they are being nice, etc. But you stand by them through everything because it’s what He wants.

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