Hello…. Recharge.

“Live and work, but do not forget to play- to have fun and really enjoy it”. – Eileen Caddy

It’s been a long time since posting here. My wife and I have been extremely busy with life and work. My wife is going back to college this coming semester and I could not be more proud of her. She has taken my direction and guidance with resigning from her current job and allowing me to take over with working completely. I had left off with saying I would be working up to 60-70 hours a week and many times I do achieve that. My main goal was for my wife to go back to college and pursue her dreams. There really isn’t much else important to me. I am more than willing to lose sleep, to work this hard, and to push to make money so she can do what she loves. I don’t regret it, nor do I have any resentment or bitterness towards her whatsoever. I am just beyond proud that she is attending college and getting a step closer to fulfilling her dreams.This summer has flown by and I haven’t really taken the time to sit back and enjoy it. It feels like this summer has been nothing but working endlessly and barely functioning with any sleep. I regret nothing, because there is absolutely nothing more fulfilling then being the man that provides. It has been something I had always dreamt of doing and I am now living that life. I regret nothing. In being a really intense introvert; INTJ, as you’ve all have probably read now, I need a tremendous amount of space and solitude. My wife has become apart of my solitude. There really isn’t anything more precious than loving someone so much and them becoming apart of your recharge. But I have a huge need for space still. Believe me, it’s big. In doing so, I have learned this week a lot with that. We recently went down to Atlanta to go and get Delilah. With our work schedules, I have her sometimes during the day. She has taught me a lot about just letting go and having more fun doing nothing at all. Kids have a way of making fun out of nothing. Kids are in your space sometimes, they talk non stop, they need attention, time, etc, but I have learned a lot about selflessness out of this week specifically. Yesterday Delilah and I went to the beach and played at the park and found rocks. And to some, it seemed like something so small, but she had a good time- and so did I. It made me just forget all the non stop working, all the sleepless nights, and all of the time I can barely get to myself. It just made me let go and actually relax. It doesn’t matter who the person is though, I always get drained with people. It will seem redundant but I have tested to be 99% and 100% introverted on tests. Could you even get anymore introverted than that. It is rhetorical.  The only exception to this is my wife. Her company is what I always crave. I always want to be with her.  But I must say that through this quote I have learned the value of living and working, yes, but also not forgetting to play. So much of life is spent on working and we forget to actually live. It is my responsibility to provide, yes. But I don’t want to miss out on the time spent with people I care about because I am so focused on working. I’ve missed my wife so much with working. I have Delilah again today and I have cleaned the entire house, did laundry, cooked for her, spent time with her, and made sure she has what she needs. In the most simple way, I had fun and enjoyed it; with the rest of the night ending it off with my beautiful wife. Nothing could be better.

I do have a hard time relating to children. I’m an old soul; even with that, I have a difficult time connecting to, almost everyone. Most kids, they talk about kid things. When I was a kid, my mind was years ahead. I’ve said before that I didn’t have much of a childhood. INTJ’s tend to not relate to kids. It’s not intentional. It’s just the way that we are wired. I’ve come to understand though, that this is the family I was assigned. I am thankful for it. So even though I may not comprehend everything, I do realize that I have been assigned to care after this tribe. Though I don’t always connect, maybe it’s not all about that. Maybe it’s about learning about life through a different lens, perhaps the lens that I didn’t have.

-Jason Castellani


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