Find Your Courage

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” – Tori Ames

Today is recharge day. This week’s topic is healing, so I want to just take a moment to say that recharging is healing. It doesn’t matter how much you like or dislike social interaction, it doesn’t matter what you do, or what your life is like, we all need to recharge. We all need to take time for ourselves to be alone. Being in my solitude I come up with the most solutions. My brain never sleeps. I am trying to come up with new ideas, resolutions, something new to learn. My brain is wired that way. In my time alone and solitude, I do find healing.

Let me say this to you: Healing does take courage. So after the other post that mentioned the analogy of us starting out as plants, let me remind you that we do need to dig deep down to find it. Sometimes recharging puts things into perspective. And most certainly do we have to do the hard work and dig; sometimes a lot deeper than other times, in or where the healing needs to take place. I would like to remind you that it is okay to water your own plant and it is okay to nourish your plant. Not only is it okay, but it is completely necessary. Do not be so wrapped up with things, people, etc, that you neglect your entire being altogether. There is a line between selfishness and neglect. Do not forget to take care of your well-being. Healing takes place where courage leads the way. Have the courage to do so and start by taking care of yourself.

 

 

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Where Healing Begins

I will be discussing this week on healing. I would like to point out that I have mentioned I am pursing to be a neuropsychologist. It seems like such a big word. Ive actually been told so recently how much hard work involves with this career choice. As for me, the brain and its functions are something I am so extremely passionate about. Recently, there was a week about personality types. I am most definitely sure that a majority of my career choice is due to my personality type. As an INTJ, I do excessive amounts of research. I am all about logistics and solving things. A neuropsychologist is all about finding solutions. My passion derives right there at the roots. I will be doing something I am passionate about. It is a job where you never stop learning. I cant think of a job that I would be more passionate about and learn so many things on a daily basis. As an INTJ, a career field in which you constantly are learning new things is such a refreshing thing. What some neuropsychologists don’t do is focus on the parts of the brain to see the actual roots. Many scientists, rather more than a majority of science believes that you cannot ever truly heal from a mental illness. I don’t think I can change the entire world. Maybe, perhaps, I can change just a little. I am not a follower, I have been a leader. And I hope to change this system into believing that there is true healing in mental illness recovery. I chose this career because I want to be different. It seems like that is the root of my life-different.

“Sometimes you don’t realize the weight of something you’ve been carrying until you feel the weight of its release”

Is healing possible?

First, let me tell you that the answer is yes. Imagine us all starting out as plants that we need to be planted in an environment where we thrive. But imagine being planted in an environment where we were not given the proper nourishment. If we are around toxic things, we start to grow roots that are unhealthy. We start to wither away and wilt. In return, the plant does its best to stay alive. However, maybe it turns to unhealthy nourishment in order to survive. Not getting its proper nourishment, but still getting by, it continues to survive, but not truly live. When we face issues that we do not know how to deal with, a mental disorder can occur. But, lets look at the word disorder. When something is disordered, we fix it. Your mind is a puzzle. Your pieces were shaken, they were scattered, but they were not lost.

I believe in two kinds of mental disorder occurrences. Some mental disorders are a resort of trauma, dysfunction, and abuse. Some mental disorders are a chemical imbalance. Some of us didn’t experience any kind of abuse, neglect, or traumatic event(s) in our lives, yet we still face the hardships of mental disorders because of the chemical imbalance in our brains. For those of us who have experienced the spiraling effects of an illness due to trauma, something has been disordered in your brain. You were planted in an unhealthy environment. You were not given proper nourishment or care. You grew with roots attached to you that have only added on more roots. And now that you are an adult you don’t know how or even where to cut the roots. Where did it start? And it may require a lot of digging, but once you find the root, thats also connected to many other roots, that most certainly is when healing takes place. I believe so. In order to get to the root of the problem, it takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength to endure the damage that has taken place.

As for the other part, I believe unlike majority of people that even those with a chemical imbalance can overcome their mental illness as well. If you’ve ever been to a psychiatrist, psychologist, or even many therapists, they will tell you that you cannot ever get better. Really, they say the only end result for mental health disorders is simply: management. A psychiatrists job is where it is their duty to prescribe medication. They believe that is the only way for you to manage your mental health. To the science aspect, once shifted has been shifted, there is no room for growth. I am not entirely sure how the roots would be solved for healing to take place in a chemical imbalance. Yet, still, I believe there is a resolution to this unfixed problem.

Where do you start?

This has got to be one of the most difficult things that you will solve in your life. It requires a lot of digging, a lot of old wounds, maybe even experiencing things all over again, remembering traumatic things, etc. But, the only way out is through. There is no such thing as healing being easy. But in the end, it will be worth it. To dig from the ground up, it requires you to do things you have never done. Let me go back to us starting off as plants. Maybe this is where you will start- going back to where your roots are, and reflecting where they still are right now. Are you in an environment that you currently thrive in? Are you flourishing? Are you growing? Are you repairing? When we experience things that create toxic roots, we must cut the roots. In order to live and not just survive, we need to get out of the environment in which we are not able to grow. Nutrients are vital in order for us to not only survive, but to live. But we don’t just want any kind of nutrients, we should want the right kind. Be a gardener and weed out all of the toxic roots.

Be a gardener and weed out all of the toxic roots of the garden that no one else tended to nourish.

Let me go back to stating how our minds are puzzles. When you have a puzzle in front of you, you try to piece together the pieces that fit right. Like mentioned above, your puzzle was shaken. That puzzle of your mind was shaken. But the good news is; it can be put back together. There are psychiatrists who will tell their patient that no matter what they do, no matter what goals they have, etc, that in the end without medication, they are basically nothing. Imagine hearing that. Just envision that for a moment. Imagine having hope for goals, being something, being someone, imagine trying to rise above what you know and strive to become better. After all, shouldn’t we all be striving to be better? That should be the goal in life. You should never stop growing, learning, and wanting better. You should never settle. But the system will tell you that without their bandage that you will continuously relapse. That you will ever only manage your symptoms but as far as healing, it just is not in the cards for you. With medication, you can live a normal life with symptoms still coming out, but you will never truly be able to overcome it. When you place a bandage on something, does that bandage heal the wound? No, it simply just covers it. While medication can be extremely beneficial to some, telling someone that in order for them to function properly in society, they need medication to succeed in life. Imagine how detrimental that is to someone who is trying to piece back together their life and has hope.

How important is support when trying to recover?

First and foremost, we all need support no matter who we are or where we come from. I do not want to sound redundant as in repeating the same things over and over again. But the plant analogy really makes a lot of sense. If you are in toxic soil, please, do yourself a favor and uproot yourself from that environment. Easy? Many times, no. Worth it? Absolutely. In order to grow, we need nutrients to do so. Many people wonder why it feels as if there is a weight on their shoulders; just like the quote above. And many reasons can stem from the environment you are currently in. Find someone who plants seeds of life. Someone who wants to see you flourish, grow, and stand tall. When you realize the outcome of getting out bad soil and replacing it with good, finding people to lift you up, you wont ever settle. You never should. Support is extremely vital for everyone in this life. Overcoming a mental health disorder through the agonizing weight of that, support most certainly is needed. And sometimes we may fail to realize that no support is better than toxic support. Many people in this life fear being alone. But whats worse is being around people who feed you things to make you wilt. And surely, there is no healing with someone constantly tearing you down. A mental health disorder is already a battle of your mind. So don’t you understand that someone tearing down your mind even more than the battle you face within you every single day is most certainly worse? The good news is- you wont always be alone. Find a network of support or at least one person who you can trust. Focus on your healing. Expecting a plant to grow in toxic soil is no more ridiculous sounding then to expect anything to blossom without proper care. We all need support, yes. But don’t be sucked into thinking that you would rather have toxic support then to have no one. Remember- start at your roots. Cutting off roots of toxicity is where it begins. This is the root of digging down to weed out everything. If you perhaps to have a network of support or a significant other whom you trust, lean on them in hard times. After all, believe me when I say, two is better than one.

 

This Week’s Menu:

Breakfast: Oatmeal with fruit, smoothie bowls, banana pancakes

Lunch: Sweet and Sour chicken with organic “fried” cauliflower rice, Teriyaki chicken and vegetables, taco bowls
Dinner: Chipotle chicken, grilled chicken and salad, ground chicken and zoodles,

Snacks: Greek yogurt, chicken wontons, protein shakes, pears, nut mix.

I will be continuing to do intermittent fasting. So instead of the breakfast choices, I will somehow incorporate breakfast into a later meal.

We’ll be sure to post pictures

 

Goals, Milestones, & More Goals

Last night I reached a new milestone: I leg pressed 225 lbs. It’s definitely an accomplishment for me since I didn’t think I was capable of it. It doesn’t seem like much, but to me it was something I was proud of.  I’ve always preached about pushing yourself, and last night I did just that. If you have goals, it is so important to push yourself. Don’t push yourself until your body gives out, but push yourself with self-care yet determination. I was staying in a place of average when I could have done so much better. My passion for the gym is my greatest moments of criticizing myself. I was proud of myself, but really disappointed I didn’t try sooner. No one wants to be that guy in the gym who tries something and looks like an idiot. Without trying, there is no room for progress.

With that being said here’s my new goal: In a month, leg press 245 lbs. Each week, I’d like to add on five pounds, resulting in twenty pounds from my original accomplishment.

I’d also like to have a much more consistent gym schedule and see five pounds of muscle added onto my current weight. I would like to push myself more than I ever have and achieve my goals.

-Jason

Okay, Angebel here-

I’m so proud of Jason for reaching a milestone. Witnessing him doing so made me realize that a lot of our setbacks root from us thinking we can’t do something. Sometimes all you have to do is try.

So with watching my husband do his things- I HIT A MILESTONE. I leg pressed 135 lbs. That may not be much to some folks, but to me it is. I suppose I didn’t push myself the way could have.

I’ve been pretty obsessed with working on back and arms. Along with Jason, I have a weight goal too. I want to be down to 130 pounds. I’m not too far away from the goal, number wise. However, lately my weight hasn’t gone down.

After my 24th birthday I felt my body changing. Perhaps it’s the metabolism. Whatever it is, I’m pushing to that 130.

I’m also actively working towards a goal in the gym, but I’ll be talking about that in a later post.

So here’s to milestone and new goals. We always appreciate tips and advice.

All the Best,

Angebel

 

 

 

The Ocean and The Moon

You
You are the ocean floor
Impossible to reach
but worthy to explore
You are my love
You are my delight
You question me often
but I know my rights.
You put the winds in my sails
You are the ocean’s waters
fulfilling and drowning,
You have strong powers.
You- are an ocean of secrets.
You are an ocean that cries.
I discover you in between
You are what’s mine.
You- are my favorite
-fish of the sea.
Impossible to catch,
but the man for me.
You-
are an ocean’s roar.
You let loose,
you want more.
What’s got the ocean angry?
What’s it about tonight?
There’s something about that rage,
he wants a fight.
– The moon –
Perhaps she has the blame.
The waters reflect her faults
she defends herself in shame.
She breaks in half, she leaves
she waits for him, they’re hooked
they blame one another for departing
“I’ve never left,” they both say, “just look.”
He is the ocean,
She is the moon,
She wanted to be longed for,
He wanted to be understood.
You blame the moon,
You wouldn’t be this way if the sun was out.
Perhaps the moon liked the way the ocean slept
-his soothing demeanor
His waters of depth.
“Goodnight Ocean”
“Goodnight Moon”
They say their goodbyes
but they’ll be together soon.
His heart is an ocean,
her favorite place is the sea
sure, she’s with him always,
but at a certain place they meet.
They have a love for each other
that no element can come in between.
You see these two have much in common,
they’re watched yet misunderstood
nobody knows how much they cry each other,
yes, the ocean and the moon.

-a.g.c

Excerpt from “When Love Arrives”

But love is not perfect and will sometimes forget
When you need to hear it most
You are beautiful
Do not forget this
Love is not who you were expecting
Love is not what you can predict
Maybe love is in New York City already asleep
You are in California, Australia, wide awake
Maybe love is always in the wrong timezone
Maybe love is not ready for you
Maybe you are not ready for love
Maybe love just isn’t the marrying type
Maybe the next time you see love is twenty years after the divorce
Love looks older now, but just as beautiful as you remember
Maybe love is only there for a month
Maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit
Maybe love stays
Maybe love can’t
Maybe love shouldn’t…
Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to
And love leaves exactly when love must
When love arrives say,
“Welcome, make yourself comfortable”
If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her
Turn off the music, listen to the quiet
Whisper,
“Thank you for stopping by”

-Sarah Kay & Phillip Kaye

 

Unity & the damage of expectations

Love As It Has Been Experienced

I can say a lot of people enter relationships and more so marriages without the knowledge of what unity really is.  Many people enter marriages even with a distorted view on what a union really is. At one point or another, we have all faced disappointments in life. It isn’t only when we are children. We don’t ever really outgrow having expectations of others. Above all else, unfortunately our partners will most likely experience the most with that. Our partners, specifically our husbands or wives are for life. When we have expectations, we expect our partners to fulfill them. When they fail to meet our expectations, we become disappointed and bitter, and ultimately it leaks out havoc into our union.

Say you interpreted love in a healthy way. Your parents loved you, they prioritized their union, you witnessed honor, respect, value, sacrifice, and unconditional love. Your mind will likely process that and have expectations like you experienced. What happens with that is that we expect things to happen so quickly when in reality, marriages are all based on time, experience, and true growth. If you perhaps grew up in a single parent home where you had nothing to refer back to. Your perception of what marriage should be is more so an idea rather than anything you encountered. And a truly difficult way to have an idea on union is when were abandoned, neglected, abused, or grew up in the system. With that type of life, you grew up with no protection, no stability, no security, no common ground, no one who had your back. You were too busy trying to make it to understand what exactly a healthy union is supposed to look like. You enter a union with no example of what love actually is.

How Do You Unite?

I would like to point out that we interpret love the way we experienced it. Whenever you felt loved, that is going to in turn respond to how you turn it into every relationship thereafter. If you grew up in a household with both parents, they loved each other unconditionally, they valued, honored, respected, trusted, and truly had each others backs, you had an idea of what a union should look like in a healthy way. All couples go through storms. There is no couple that is somehow untouched. However, the couples that remain side by side, hand in hand, walking with each other, guiding each other, and carrying each other, those are those ones where hard times happen, but they go through the storm together. 

 

Together.

Wanna hear a truth? YOUR expectations can damage your marriage.

Unity is understanding that it’s only the two of you. You become one flesh with your husband or your wife. Not your parents, not your siblings, not your children. Not anyone else, despite what they’ve done for you. The purpose of marriage is two coming together, in a sacred covenant. No where does it say we become one flesh with anyone else but our husbands and wives.

As husband and wife, we made the vow to walk through the journey of life with this person for the rest of our lives. When a storm hits, comes a fork. There’s a huge crack in the road that creates a fork. The fork in the road is either: go separate ways OR create a new road together. Sometimes we need to go against the hardships and instead of turning away, let the hardships bring you closer. This is the journey of you and your partner for life. It is truly mind blowing to realize that once we say “I do”, it should be a priority to keep that foundation of the union together. No where does it say that you become one only when things are good, when you’re seeing eye to eye. The point of becoming one flesh means that person and you are supposed to be for life. Unfortunately, this society will up and leave for the smallest things. When hardships come throughout your journey, couples many times do separate and become distant till it hits the final blow. By no means does this mean that you have to stay and endure abuse. If your spouse is unwilling to change, that does not mean that you should continue enduring it. That is extremely unhealthy for your own well-being.  By coming together, I mean that you should be fighting the hardships together as a team. You should know that no matter what, your partner is your teammate for life. They have your back no matter what. Far too many times, struggles make couples go their separate ways instead of joining together and clinging onto each other.

Unity takes effort. It takes two. We must build together a union. Your unity is something that you absolutely have to take care of and guard. You have to be on full alert, making sure it’s being fed health. In order for there to be growth in anything in life, we must nurture it, water it, and feed it to grow. It is as if you have a plant and expect that not giving it the proper care will make it grow. Without nourishment, nothing will ever grow.

Unity is the evident intention of marriage. Disunity is a rebellious act.  Choosing to not unite with your partner, is only fooling you. You’re one flesh, remember?

“Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste…” – Matthew 12:25 Hence the different types of personalities, not everything about you and your spouse will be the same. But, one thing SHOULD be the same: the goal and the mission. Put together the things in common and the differences too.

Choose unity.

 

-Jason & Angebel Castellani union-of-hearts-not-hands-does-a-marriage-make-and-sympathy-of-mind-keeps-love-awake-quote-1d24db7532c437a7eb1fef61f7a88713923cf543cc0153e5991b5c76a885118b6--quotes-marriage-marriage-lifeunnamed-3