Gateway to the New Beginning

What does staying in the same place do to us mentally?

I have a perfectionist, as well as a black and white mentality. I strategize and think logically about everything. I plan and overanalyze everything. However, I have been known to be impulsive and spontaneous with things at times. But when it comes to things that need to be done, my mind is endless amounts of wires scattered that are just trying to find the outlet they belong. I think logically; it is all I know how to do. My wife, on the other hand, is not this way. She is very free spirited. She doesn’t come up with why something won’t work out, she doesn’t make plan A, B,C, etc, like I do. She just freely does what she does and trusts the process. As for myself, I am constantly talking about a plan A, B, C, etc. It gives room for there to be a fall back incase the previous plan doesn’t work out. In overanalyzing things, it sometimes does prevent someone from moving ahead. I am extremely intuitive and I have always been able to foresee ahead. Walking into the unknown is not something I can do freely. I don’t embrace a lot of change. Frankly, I am not a big fan of much change. Not that I don’t choose to grow or remain the same, I just struggle with certain change. Change is needed and it can be very good. My wife tells me often to trust the process, to just have faith and believe. But due to how my mind is wired, I struggle with that. I struggle with walking into the unknown. Just like she is wired to be free spirited, my mind is wired to be logical and strategical. . But, I would say that in many ways that I have grown and tried to follow her lead as much as I can with trusting the process. She has taught me so much about faith and what it means to walk into the unknown and learn to let go of the inability to see ahead with every little thing. Lets say that you are at a job for a couple of years, but you get offered another job that pays more and is better. What would you choose? Sometimes we can be hindered to believe that we might as well just stay in what is familiar, because what if something doesn’t work out. At least with the job that you’ve been working at for years is secure. What happens if you aren’t that good at the other job, what happens if you lose it, etc? Your mind can go in a lot of different directions. What is the base of this? It is security and stability. It is rather simply put. Many times, many of us do not like change to begin with. What happens if you had experiences where you just didn’t have security and stability? You somehow want to find that in the ways you never had it. In return, you choose to remain in what is familiar, comfortable in ways, and secure. It is stable, and it is exactly what you want. But will you ever progress in remaining where you are. It is a rhetorical question; hence the reason for no question mark. We will never progress and move ahead if we just stay in what is familiar. Through my wife’s free spirit, I have learned to have more faith. That is exactly what faith is- it is walking into the unknown and trusting that all things will work together for good.  It doesn’t mean  that is a free pass to be reckless and careless either. But if you hinder yourself from taking chances, you may very well not get the things you could get if you put yourself out there a little.

 

“Nothing is predestined,, The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings”. -Ralph Blum

A week ago today was my birthday. I had this originally supposed to be posted yesterday. So technically yesterday made a week. I apologize for the inconsistency with this blog. Life has been a little hectic. But I decided to dedicate this week to new beginnings. After all, we all need to start over and let go of things in order to grow. I have never been the type to announce a birthday ever before. This week I am going to do a theme on new beginnings and the importance of change. I have been the type to always hate being the center of attention since I am young. I never liked presents or being sung happy birthday right before I blew out the candles. It always made me extremely uncomfortable.` I don’t even disclose that my birthday is approaching or I say nothing when the day arrives. I go about the day like it is any other day. It always just.. was. However, this year is a new beginning. While I will always be the type to never like being the center of attention, I will never want a party for my birthday, and maybe I won’t be excited about it, this year was a new beginning for change. Why? Because unlike every other year of my life, this year I acknowledged it and I reflected on my year with how much I have grown mentally. I have done that since I was a kid. I was never a normal kid. I never wanted anything materialistic, I never cared about presents, parties, a cake, or hanging out with people. Since I am young, I have always been the type to reflect on my year, to look ahead to when I can finally be the age that matched with my mind, to be an adult, to list out what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, my goals, etc. Most kids aren’t thinking about their adult years at 8 years old. But, I was nothing of a normal child like I stated above. On my 8th birthday I sat and reflected on my life, my visions, what I saw in my future, my dreams, my goals, and what I wanted to be. I set out a plan on my birthday of 8. I was doing it even younger than that. As each year passed, the more I set out plans and the more I strategized what I had hoped to accomplish in that year. What I got materialistically wise was never of significant value. This year was everything different and everything new. That is why I want to dedicate this week to talk about new beginnings and change.

 

This year I have hope for a future. I have more hope this year than any year of my life. I have made a plan of the things I want to accomplish, pursue, change, grow, and progress in. I always make more than just a plan A; I go above and beyond and make plan B, C, D, etc as mentioned above. This year shed real hope and real life. This year is the first year as a married man. Last year was so incredibly different on my birthday. Last year on my birthday I went about the day as if it were just an ordinary day; just like I always have since I am young. As much as I can foresee, I never envisioned being married a year later. To be quite frank, I never envisioned being married at all. This year on my birthday I spent it with my wife. I was in my head some of the day. It is usual for me to remain in my head. But I was so abundantly grateful to have her beside me. Her presence was by far the best gift I could have ever received. She truly was and is the best gift I have gotten so far. Through my wife I have grown so much. I have learned so much about forgiveness, letting go, kindness, joy, and so on. Through her I see my potential as an individual. She doesn’t highlight the negative. She always keeps her eyes fixed on the positive. I am so eternally grateful to have someone that can help me grow in those areas that I need growth in. I have grown a lot from last year. Recently, I saw someone I haven’t seen in years. This person acknowledged where I am in my life and how content I truly am. And before I could ever even acknowledge her; because I always do, they said that a lot of where I am is due to my wife. That my wife shaped me into the man I am and still becoming. Her believing in me is priceless. I couldn’t agree more with the statement of me looking mentally better now then ever before. People we surround ourselves with can ultimately either build you up or tear you down. Either people are for you and rooting for you and want to see you win, or they are against you. My wife has stood beside me even when we were friends. She saw potential in me when I couldn’t see it in myself. She guided, grounded, supported, and encouraged me through the doubts. I rose above the ashes and conquered so much because of her. Through my obstacles really did lead me to new beginnings. It led me right to my wife.

This year was a year of mental growth more than any year ever before. I have always reflected and was hard on myself because of the perfectionist and black and white mentality I have. I never think I am pursuing and accomplishing all that should be done. In life we are in constant competition of who graduated college at what age, who got a higher salary, everything is just competition. My mentality is I am all in or I am uninterested. Therefore, I have been my own harshest critic. This year is most certainly the best year so far. It started off with my wife after all. It taught me so much more than I could ever write. Gifts never meant anything to me ever before until my wife. My piece of advice- find a new beginning and don’t ever stop finding ways to grow. Find a gift that cannot ever be replaced. Embrace change, let go of what you think you know, trust the process, and don’t allow fear or just walking into the unknown hinder your potential for success. Stop comparing yourself and competing with other people. They do not and never will have your story. The person that completed college at 24 and you are still in college at 30, doesn’t make them any better than you. It never will. Get to where you are going, no matter how slow or fast you go. Close the old doors, open some new. Welcome new change, welcome new opportunity.

 

 

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masks.

I see the masks
there’s so many
my favorite novelty-
at last.
I’ve always seen through them
you don’t scare me.
take the masks off
one by one
we’ll get to the roots.
no more hiding
no more running.
just you and me
building something new.
leave the bags, at the door
leave the masks.

-a.g.c