Angebel’s corner.

Thanks to Jason, I was introduced to Charles Bukowski. I have fallen in love with the way his work has awaken my writing senses. He’s a mad man. I want to be a mad woman. I never want to hold back ever again when I write.

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead”

On Tuesday my husband talked about the things we do to recharge. He also tapped into some of the things I deal with mentally (anxiety and depression). I also deal with PTSD.

Mental health was a taboo topic growing up. It was forbidden to talk about depression because it led to be being accused that you weren’t a believer. As I got older and told people about some of things that happened to me, they always asked if I went to counseling. “No” was always my response. I’ve seen a mixture of the raised eyebrows, a jaw-drop, or a ‘trying really hard not to show any expression’ look.

I encourage counseling. Do not let anyone discourage you from it.

Overall, my hope is found in Jesus. Jesus is my anchor. Only truth and stability that I have experienced.

When the motions of life, and- mental health come crashing in, seek truth.

With love,

Angebel

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Find Your Courage

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” – Tori Ames

Today is recharge day. This week’s topic is healing, so I want to just take a moment to say that recharging is healing. It doesn’t matter how much you like or dislike social interaction, it doesn’t matter what you do, or what your life is like, we all need to recharge. We all need to take time for ourselves to be alone. Being in my solitude I come up with the most solutions. My brain never sleeps. I am trying to come up with new ideas, resolutions, something new to learn. My brain is wired that way. In my time alone and solitude, I do find healing.

Let me say this to you: Healing does take courage. So after the other post that mentioned the analogy of us starting out as plants, let me remind you that we do need to dig deep down to find it. Sometimes recharging puts things into perspective. And most certainly do we have to do the hard work and dig; sometimes a lot deeper than other times, in or where the healing needs to take place. I would like to remind you that it is okay to water your own plant and it is okay to nourish your plant. Not only is it okay, but it is completely necessary. Do not be so wrapped up with things, people, etc, that you neglect your entire being altogether. There is a line between selfishness and neglect. Do not forget to take care of your well-being. Healing takes place where courage leads the way. Have the courage to do so and start by taking care of yourself.

 

 

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Where Healing Begins

I will be discussing this week on healing. I would like to point out that I have mentioned I am pursing to be a neuropsychologist. It seems like such a big word. Ive actually been told so recently how much hard work involves with this career choice. As for me, the brain and its functions are something I am so extremely passionate about. Recently, there was a week about personality types. I am most definitely sure that a majority of my career choice is due to my personality type. As an INTJ, I do excessive amounts of research. I am all about logistics and solving things. A neuropsychologist is all about finding solutions. My passion derives right there at the roots. I will be doing something I am passionate about. It is a job where you never stop learning. I cant think of a job that I would be more passionate about and learn so many things on a daily basis. As an INTJ, a career field in which you constantly are learning new things is such a refreshing thing. What some neuropsychologists don’t do is focus on the parts of the brain to see the actual roots. Many scientists, rather more than a majority of science believes that you cannot ever truly heal from a mental illness. I don’t think I can change the entire world. Maybe, perhaps, I can change just a little. I am not a follower, I have been a leader. And I hope to change this system into believing that there is true healing in mental illness recovery. I chose this career because I want to be different. It seems like that is the root of my life-different.

“Sometimes you don’t realize the weight of something you’ve been carrying until you feel the weight of its release”

Is healing possible?

First, let me tell you that the answer is yes. Imagine us all starting out as plants that we need to be planted in an environment where we thrive. But imagine being planted in an environment where we were not given the proper nourishment. If we are around toxic things, we start to grow roots that are unhealthy. We start to wither away and wilt. In return, the plant does its best to stay alive. However, maybe it turns to unhealthy nourishment in order to survive. Not getting its proper nourishment, but still getting by, it continues to survive, but not truly live. When we face issues that we do not know how to deal with, a mental disorder can occur. But, lets look at the word disorder. When something is disordered, we fix it. Your mind is a puzzle. Your pieces were shaken, they were scattered, but they were not lost.

I believe in two kinds of mental disorder occurrences. Some mental disorders are a resort of trauma, dysfunction, and abuse. Some mental disorders are a chemical imbalance. Some of us didn’t experience any kind of abuse, neglect, or traumatic event(s) in our lives, yet we still face the hardships of mental disorders because of the chemical imbalance in our brains. For those of us who have experienced the spiraling effects of an illness due to trauma, something has been disordered in your brain. You were planted in an unhealthy environment. You were not given proper nourishment or care. You grew with roots attached to you that have only added on more roots. And now that you are an adult you don’t know how or even where to cut the roots. Where did it start? And it may require a lot of digging, but once you find the root, thats also connected to many other roots, that most certainly is when healing takes place. I believe so. In order to get to the root of the problem, it takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength to endure the damage that has taken place.

As for the other part, I believe unlike majority of people that even those with a chemical imbalance can overcome their mental illness as well. If you’ve ever been to a psychiatrist, psychologist, or even many therapists, they will tell you that you cannot ever get better. Really, they say the only end result for mental health disorders is simply: management. A psychiatrists job is where it is their duty to prescribe medication. They believe that is the only way for you to manage your mental health. To the science aspect, once shifted has been shifted, there is no room for growth. I am not entirely sure how the roots would be solved for healing to take place in a chemical imbalance. Yet, still, I believe there is a resolution to this unfixed problem.

Where do you start?

This has got to be one of the most difficult things that you will solve in your life. It requires a lot of digging, a lot of old wounds, maybe even experiencing things all over again, remembering traumatic things, etc. But, the only way out is through. There is no such thing as healing being easy. But in the end, it will be worth it. To dig from the ground up, it requires you to do things you have never done. Let me go back to us starting off as plants. Maybe this is where you will start- going back to where your roots are, and reflecting where they still are right now. Are you in an environment that you currently thrive in? Are you flourishing? Are you growing? Are you repairing? When we experience things that create toxic roots, we must cut the roots. In order to live and not just survive, we need to get out of the environment in which we are not able to grow. Nutrients are vital in order for us to not only survive, but to live. But we don’t just want any kind of nutrients, we should want the right kind. Be a gardener and weed out all of the toxic roots.

Be a gardener and weed out all of the toxic roots of the garden that no one else tended to nourish.

Let me go back to stating how our minds are puzzles. When you have a puzzle in front of you, you try to piece together the pieces that fit right. Like mentioned above, your puzzle was shaken. That puzzle of your mind was shaken. But the good news is; it can be put back together. There are psychiatrists who will tell their patient that no matter what they do, no matter what goals they have, etc, that in the end without medication, they are basically nothing. Imagine hearing that. Just envision that for a moment. Imagine having hope for goals, being something, being someone, imagine trying to rise above what you know and strive to become better. After all, shouldn’t we all be striving to be better? That should be the goal in life. You should never stop growing, learning, and wanting better. You should never settle. But the system will tell you that without their bandage that you will continuously relapse. That you will ever only manage your symptoms but as far as healing, it just is not in the cards for you. With medication, you can live a normal life with symptoms still coming out, but you will never truly be able to overcome it. When you place a bandage on something, does that bandage heal the wound? No, it simply just covers it. While medication can be extremely beneficial to some, telling someone that in order for them to function properly in society, they need medication to succeed in life. Imagine how detrimental that is to someone who is trying to piece back together their life and has hope.

How important is support when trying to recover?

First and foremost, we all need support no matter who we are or where we come from. I do not want to sound redundant as in repeating the same things over and over again. But the plant analogy really makes a lot of sense. If you are in toxic soil, please, do yourself a favor and uproot yourself from that environment. Easy? Many times, no. Worth it? Absolutely. In order to grow, we need nutrients to do so. Many people wonder why it feels as if there is a weight on their shoulders; just like the quote above. And many reasons can stem from the environment you are currently in. Find someone who plants seeds of life. Someone who wants to see you flourish, grow, and stand tall. When you realize the outcome of getting out bad soil and replacing it with good, finding people to lift you up, you wont ever settle. You never should. Support is extremely vital for everyone in this life. Overcoming a mental health disorder through the agonizing weight of that, support most certainly is needed. And sometimes we may fail to realize that no support is better than toxic support. Many people in this life fear being alone. But whats worse is being around people who feed you things to make you wilt. And surely, there is no healing with someone constantly tearing you down. A mental health disorder is already a battle of your mind. So don’t you understand that someone tearing down your mind even more than the battle you face within you every single day is most certainly worse? The good news is- you wont always be alone. Find a network of support or at least one person who you can trust. Focus on your healing. Expecting a plant to grow in toxic soil is no more ridiculous sounding then to expect anything to blossom without proper care. We all need support, yes. But don’t be sucked into thinking that you would rather have toxic support then to have no one. Remember- start at your roots. Cutting off roots of toxicity is where it begins. This is the root of digging down to weed out everything. If you perhaps to have a network of support or a significant other whom you trust, lean on them in hard times. After all, believe me when I say, two is better than one.

 

Back to Basics

At one point I had mentioned I was doing intermittent fasting for about a year or so. I recently had stopped completely and started eating breakfast again. I actually prefer to do the fasting; I have a lot of energy when I am. There are many health benefits to fasting as well. I am combining the breakfast with the lunch. With fasting you just skip breakfast but still stay in your calorie deficit while eating bigger portions.

Here’s the Menu for This Week:

Breakfast:
Oatmeal (Usually includes chopped banana or another type of fruit, pepitas, raw almonds, sunflower seeds, natural peanut butter and sometimes a tablespoon of protein powder)

Lunch:
Shredded BBQ Chicken with broccoli and cauliflower
Teriyaki Chicken with broccoli
Sweet and sour chicken with fried cauliflower rice
Turkey Sausage with zoodles

Dinner:
Ground chicken BBQ burgers with zoodles and salad

Snacks:
Smoothie bowl, pear, apple with almonds, plain greek yogurt with cinnamon and sugar free maple syrup and fruit.

How Do These Come Together

How do these two come together
the man of few words
and few interactions.
how do these two come together
the woman that wants to talk
and get to know
maybe these two meet in the afternoon
before the night sets in
right after the morning crash
point of reference
reference line
the meeting point
where the introvert
is adopted by the extrovert
to live a life of balance
where the levels
aren’t immediately stable
there’s a long road ahead for these two
good thing they like to travel
good thing they are wanderers
and don’t settle for long
how these two come together
is a mystery that belongs.

-a.g.c

Reflection.

We will be more successful in all our endeavors if we can let go of the habit of running all the time and take little pauses to relax and re-center ourselves. And we’ll also have a lot more joy in living”. -Thich Nhat Hanh

 

I am fortunate with my work, at least in my humble opinion.  I work from my home if you were wondering what I meant.  By all means, that is definitely ideal for me. I did not leave the house today. Quite like this quote, I think it is exactly what I should be doing. It is what we should all be doing. In order to truly relax  and re-center ourselves we must first realize that there are things that could very well be weighing us down that we lose focus. It steals our joy. Having joy in living is something that is such a rarity in this life. For the remainder of my night I would like to reflect on making this quote a reality for me; even if just for today. Step by step is progress. I, indeed, do have a hard time relaxing.  We need to discard the things of this life that drain us of energy and focus. And it is completely okay to do just that. I would like to write and focus a little on my inner mind tonight. I think that is important. I am big on being productive. As mentioned above, it is difficult for me to relax and also feel like I am being productive at the same time. I give my mind no rest. But each day we are given a new day and we should not waste it. The productivity, the solutions, the resolutions and all the other different connections, it is important to be productive. That is my mentality.  But sometimes, being productive really does mean just re-centering your life, taking a deep breath, and just coming to terms with the things you want, need, and will go on to pursue. The most productive thing I have done today was write and meal prep. But that is okay. At least I try to convince myself of this. So my advice to you is rather simple; when was the last time you had no distractions but to just reflect and re-center your life, your thoughts, your direction, your journey, etc? When was the last time you really dived into your overall mind and your mental well-being? Maybe you feel so drained because you neglect your own wants and needs. Start today to try and take some time for yourself. Today was dreary, raining all day, still cloudy and dark outside. It is actually the perfffect weather in my opinion. I love the rain.  So for the remainder of my night I will be reflecting, writing, reading, and cleaning up the house. Put some music you enjoy that you can relax to and just let go of everything. With relaxation comes great focus, mental clarity, and new perspective. Dive into your own mind. You might be fascinated what you discover about yourself.

 

 

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angebel’s corner… take one.

Hello, you all.

I usually say “y’all” but I’m not in the South anymore but in New York, so I must say as the New Yorkers say. Am I authentic or what? Kidding.

Thursdays are my days around here. Today marks one week for this blog! I am enthused.

If you’re following Jason (@netflix_and_proteinshakes) or me on Instagram (@angebel_atl), or even with the introductory post we said we’d post something every day of the week. So where is yesterday’s post? Wednesday, March 28th’s? What do we even talk about on Wednesdays around here, since we have a theme going? Fridays are portfolio days, Saturdays are health & fitness tips, Sundays are for meal prepping, Mondays for mental health and psychology…and Tuesday for recharging.

What’s Wednesday? Well, on Wednesdays, we talk about marriage and relationships. We didn’t post yesterday. On a surface level, I’d like to apologize- since we have a daily thing going.

Maybe it’s ironic that we didn’t post yesterday. I’ve been looking forward to Jason posting about marriage since we got the idea to run a blog. Ironically, marriage did take over this past wednesday. It took over our time, and nothing else was reached into. And that’s totally okay.

Marriage is tough. I’ll say it. We have been married just five days shy of four months as of today. I learn new things every day. I don’t always understand my husband, and frankly- he doesn’t always understand me. (That’s fair, right?) But I suppose there has to be a battle plan. There has to be a meeting point in the chaos. We’re going to figure it out, together.

If I can add this in, I like to be transparent. I learned the hard way that being an open book and transparent isn’t the same thing. I’ll be sure to write about that on another Thursday. But from here on out, I’ll be as transparent as possible. While I have always been an open book, Jason is much more reserved.

Usually, during an argument discussion I get drained. So drained. I shut down. I could see the person talking to me, but I process nothing. I am nearly a hollow shell. I usually accuse my husband of prolonging things, and this time, just maybe it wasn’t him. It was me. I heard him say some really sweet bell ringing words yesterday: “If you would have just answered the question earlier, this all could have ended.”

I’ve never heard him say that.

Now Jason isn’t a drama picking person now. Don’t get me wrong. We just handle certain situations differently.

While I could always, but wouldn’t spill out our can of worms, perhaps this post is an appreciation post, or the waving white flag of surrender. Maybe, I’m angry at the thought that I wasted so much time on useless friendships, relationships, and worst of all, people’s opinions. I don’t know.

I just know that when I think of my husband, I think of home.

I’ve been bitter. I’ve been selfish. I’ve been lazy and sterile with my tolerance grounds. Since I have come to the realizations, I should stop putting myself down.  So on a less self-critizing note, I am determined. I’m determined to outgrow everything that I think that I know. (That’s one of my favorite quotes, by the way. “Let go of what you think you know.”) I have zero-tolerance for bad vibes, or anyone with bad intentions towards my tribe.

There are so many topics that [my husband and I] are eager to talk about. One of the topics we will be talking about soon is our personality types. I am so excited. Stay tuned.

And if I can just take this moment, to tell my husband anything and something:

I appreciate you with my entire soul. I love you. The thought of you warms me. You are my living room. You are my favorite cooked meal. You are a good book. A good film. You are a good eye roll. You are growing pains. You are the lover of my youth.

 

See you all next week,
Angebel